20 January 2015

Let Me Count The Ways...

Commentary I attached to the VISA approval picture on my FaceBook page:  

 Alex Mercedes I love that it comes after a sleepless night (opening the envelope in that altered state that sleep deprivation induces) ...preceded by a night full of disturbing dreams and premonitions about the VISA (so much for the accuracy of whatever clairvoyance I might claim). I love that it comes after I'd surrendered, made peace with myself and accepted that it might come...or it might not. (I was making plans to catch the Matisse show at NYC MoMA as consolation if the VISA didn't come through).I love that life has felt like slogging through mud for many weeks and that I kept slogging ... and that I am going to Brasil!!!! (a happy ending/beginning!)

On my Way

I have felt like I was slogging through mud for several weeks now.

Spirit renewed!!!!

VISA approved!!!!

Miss Alex is going to Brazil!

11 January 2015

Belly to the Ground

Surprised to discover I haven't posted here since the turn of the new year. The urge to write has been strong but I have resisted it so far. 

I missed my gig at the Lutheran Church this morning.The service begins at 10:30 -- I woke up at 10:55. I didn't go to bed until after 5a and very vaguely remember the alarm sounding at 8:30 (a beautiful ringtone on my new SmartPhone that brings to mind a rain forest. It actually makes waking up pleasurable...which it has rarely ever been for me.) and reaching over to turn it off...

After an initial immobilizing wave of embarrassment passed, I sent a text to a church member

So so so so so sorry. I overslept. Please tell Wally. I will see you next Sunday.

and burrowed back down into the blankets. Ummmmmmmmmmmmm...luxurious. The warmth is heavenly. Lying supine instead of standing is perfection. And being released from the obligation of spending an hour in church is the cherry on top.

Note: Google Image search uncovered this photo attached to an article entitled "Create Your Own Aha Moment" on the LifeReimagined website. The article is a pretty good read.

Sometime during the half hour that I snuggled with myself and dozed, I dreamed I met Jon Stewart and gave him a friendly but brutally honest review of his new book. It hurt him to hear it but he valued my opinion and began to follow me around, stalking me without becoming a menace.

A moment of clarity occurred as I showered: there is too little candor, intimacy and fun in the place I call "home". The clarity came in a flash and triggered mild sexual arousal in my body while simultaneously sparking mental fantasies of laughing very hard with a friend.

The fantasy reminded me of a phone conversation yesterday with my friend M. It's been over a month since we last talked. It was wonderful to hear from her and our conversation was rich and varied and playful and profound. There was candor, intimacy and fun in abundance. I laughed very hard, twice.

"Yes! More of that, please!"

Artist: Franklin Einspruch, Royalty, 2012, gouache and watercolor on paper, 5 1/2 x 12 1/2 inches

I have been thinking lately about Wisdom -- what is it? What is it made of... Rather than a lump sum endowment conferred at an age-appropriate moment, Wisdom seems more like verb than noun. A process. A perpetual dawning and deepening. Some of Wisdom is coming to a fuller understanding of things one has "known" for a long time.

And wisdom is surrender, giving up, acceptance of two fundamental laws: there is no way to defend the heart against the world; and, everyone dies.


My friend shared this photo of her daughter on FB, under the caption "Buddies."A great visual to my shower-insight. This is a picture of intimacy, candor, and fun. I haven't forgotten what it feels like to put belly to ground but it has been a long while since I lay that way. 

I think I'll print this photo and hang in my room.