Another sleepless night.
I'm not suffering this morning. Just awake. Not burdened with work anxiety (although I have knocked out quite a bit of work tonight) just not sleepy.
I hear Sojourner calling me back to her. I'm distracted for now by Beethoven sonatas, playing better than I ever have. But it's been a long time since I was deep into the research and some of what I discovered about her is falling out of focus.
I've been thinking the last few weeks about her devotion to Jesus. It comes to mind when things are whirling crazy and disordered at TCCI and I cannot find a port in the storm. A myriad of possible coping strategies fly to the front of my mind and quickly displace each other. Which path to take, which fix to attempt... Can't decide.
And I think of ST, looking always to Jesus. "He will carry you through...." It's no longer an option for me but I wonder if, like her and Anne Lamott, I had a bona fide visitation by Jesus, if I actually saw his face and heard his voice--would I feel differently?
I saw Santa on the lawn outside my bedroom window when I was 9. I let Them convince me that I had not seen what I knew I saw. The experience changed my life.