Yet several times a day I run through a mental list:
find an apartment
collect my stuff from around New Orleans
retrieve my stuff from MS
deal with my stuff in CA
get my stuff from KY
get back on anti-depressant meds
start meditating
buy a scooter
do yoga
eat more fruit
This is a To Do list and it's all about things To Do at some moment beyond where I am.
A sweet young woman rang me up at the checkout counter at Walgreens today. Everything about her said "sweet natured": demure hairdo, gentle tone of voice, pale rose nail polish, easy smile revealing white, evenly-spaced teeth, a muted twinkle in dark brown doe eyes.
Was I ever as sweet?I can't remember but "sweet" is not my nature now.
Another list in my head contains items like
Be nice
Don't ask questions
Smile
Surrender
Put your hands in your lap
Shhh!
This list, duplicated countless times, is the fading wallpaper in one of my mind's rooms. The cashier's sweetness brought the list to mind. A list mostly beyond the Heres and Nows of the kazillion Present Moments of my past.
I appreciated the cashier's sweetness and thought about how often I encounter this kind of sweetness in New Orleans. And wondered if it's possible living here will lend even a touch of such sweetness to my nature. Here and Now, the possibility is fading on the wall. But maybe...
You, my friend, are just like some plums. When you first bite in, sometimes the skin makes you pucker up, but once you get to the meat, there's plenty of sweet inside.
ReplyDeleteI always liked your authenticity. I don't know if I'd call you "sweet" exactly, but you're definitely someone who's heart is in the right place.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're getting back in the swing of things in New Orleans.