New Year Nothings

I am 42 days smoke-free.

I am proud of this accomplishment.

And also, today, beginning to feel the forest around me. The cool dark silence in the heart of it where I am the last living person.

And I am craving a cigarette. I'm thinking it wouldn't hurt to reward myself.

What could it hurt? There's no one else on Earth but me so no one will know.

The remedy for this risky moment would be a hot-out-of-the-oven brownie but my oven doesn't work.

There is nothing I can do about this from my present vantage point: sitting in pajamas at my desk. I'm going to get dressed, get on my bicycle and go see what the world has to offer.