At my new place, I sit on the front steps and have a cigarette and suddenly my chest fills with a strong sense that someone should be sitting with me. It doesn't hurt...but it almost does.
At night, I sit in the same place and long to see stars but a bright streetlight hangs on a pole directly across the street. It's oversized: if it fell toward my side of the street, it would crash the roof and divide the house into perfectly symmetrical halves.
It casts a soft light but still obscures the stars. I can't see a single star. The moon is closer and brighter so I can see it but it is distant; it lies outside the dome of light that surrounds my electrified town.
I notice I am growling, grumbling or grinning most of the time lately.
My housemate, D, is fearful about CouchSurfers. He has never visited the website or known anyone who hosted or surfed. I sent him the link a week ago and he hasn't looked at it. He's tense about the surfers scheduled for August. In the middle of the month I will go East for about 10 days. Last night,
D asked me, "You didn't schedule any of them for while you're gone, did you?"
He didn't hear a growl but he felt a sting when I answered him. I successfully suppressed the growl. "What?! Are you serious? You actually think there's a possibility I would invite strangers to visit my home while I'm out of town, a home I share with another person, and not talk to the other person about it? That's insane and inconsiderate. You really don't know me..."was all I said -- but my stomach churned and..grumbled for the rest of the night. I'm feeling better this morning.
This is the last day of Satchmo Summerfest 2009. I rode the bus down to the French Market and Mint yesterday and wandered through the milling crowds. I was grinning. The smell of food in New Orleans is usually grin-inspiring and there were plenty of food booths in business. Satchmo was a grinner of course and his music makes people grin. It makes little kids and older people start kicking their feet up and shaking their butt. Lots of good, live music going on and that made me grin.
My motor is humming. Grrrrrrrrrrr.... Revving up. The next few weeks deserve my committed attention and energy. The down time after the push to get moved into Mazant has stretched into lethargy. It's a new month. Girrrrrrrrl!! It's time to get moving.