01 August 2011
Sitting in the sun
following my breath
because my hand cramped and I had to lay down the guitar
and that scared me
I was freaking out, imagination running like wild fire
hating myself for years of neglect
and I went
my attention went to my breath
breathing, the journey of breath in my body.
Almost immediately, I touch Life Source, Presence
the undefined Now.
Just from going to Breath. To say "placed my attention" implies too deliberate a gesture. It is more like acceptance or surrender.
Acceptance of everything: my thoughts
the sound of a distant helicopter overhead
and my thoughts about the sound
of a helicopter approaching overhead.
Surrender to Now
whatever that is.
Ego resists. And I surrender to the resistance. And the resistance disappears, as gently as darkness disappears in the presence of light.
But it always returns. Ego persists in resistance
and I surrender again
when resistance surfaces again.
It is astounding, how ferociously ego resists complete surrender to unmediated Now consciousness.
A child frets in the garden next door.
An insect buzzes in my left ear.
The sun is extravagant warmth on the back of my neck.
I surrender. I accept.
I am in the "out beyond ideas" field that Rumi speaks of.
With God, out beyond ideas of God.
In that moment, flooded with awareness of the vastness of the cosmos
I feel a breeze playing against my cheek and open my eyes; the treetops are rippling in time to the breeze and I think of how a honeybee feels the subtle undulation of flower petals against its wings.
And suddenly I am a honeybee and the tree is a flower.
This amazes me for a moment -- and then it is no longer amazing. It simply is.
And then, in an instant the whole thing is gone: the perception, the amazement....
Back to Now
posted at 6:09 PM