I woke up the other morning to this thought
If I live as long as Mommy, I'll be dead in less than 20 years
Wow. The thought quietly rocked my world for a few days. An exhilarating sense of freedom came over me: And excitement. And curiosity.
Remarkable how one thought changed my perspective on EVERYTHING. And the longer I looked at Life through that lens, the calmer I felt.
And then, one day, a new thought intruded:
If I live as long as Mother, I have more than 40 years of living left....a whole 'nother lifetime...
So I tossed the cigarettes and decided it's time to "quit" again.
Not smoking always changes my perspective on EVERYTHING because my "friend" is gone
and I have all these scattered minutes to fill with ....something
and there's more oxygen fueling the System
and I have no protection from the thoughts and feelings that smoking helps suppress. For example:
With all due affection for my descendants, having a baby was a bad choice.
Here's another one: I didn't come to Holly Springs with a great idea. I came to Holly Springs because my friend invited me to come create something with him and because I was tired of hustling for survival in the SF Bay area.
yeah, everything is lit by a very stark, unflattering light in the first days of a Quit. I kinda like it.
I can't write but I can see.
