12 June 2015

Ready for Close Up

The name for this blog was largely inspired by years of research into the life of the 18th century feminist lecturer, spiritual leader and social activist, Sojourner Truth. I admire and respect her personal integrity and spiritual passion. I feel a resonant kinship with her where our life paths trace similar arcs:  name change, social confusion about our genders and being often mistaken for a man, separation from her son, and a lifelong yearning for a place of her own, to name a few.

I was living without lease or keys or fixed address during most of the years of actively researching her life. I was physically relocating on an irregular and unpredictable schedule. Carrying what I needed in a backpack.

Sojourning. In the homes of friends or friends of friends or people I only knew through email. Playing "hello, new space" and "...my last night in this room..." scenes over and over.

I was the constant in those scenes. I like to say I learned a lot about myself and about human nature during those years. The solitude of "wandering" allows much time for reflection, which can benefit spiritual growth; but the impermanence of nomadic living frustrates other potential growth. Most plants have roots. 


Some things -- gardening and community, for instance  -- demand presence. Some evolution of consciousness is only accomplished in relationship. Some understandings about the journey of life are only acquired through intimate, ongoing, physical interactions with other humans.

These are not new ideas to me. For many years I have observed married people or people in other kinds of long-term relationships with an acute awareness that they at least had the potential to grow in ways that I could not. I did not find the situation distressing usually but I wondered "What does that kind of life feel like? How did they create that kind of life for themselves? Will I ever live that way?"

"Sojourn" contains a sense of imminent relocation. There is a farewell soon to come.

The sense of imminent relocation is fading within me. For the first time in 11 years, I am not thinking about where I'll be next.

It's not an "I love Holly Springs! I want to stay here forever," type feeling; but I'm not thinking about the future or yearning to move on.

It is a bit disconcerting. I am not anxious to get the hell out of Holly Springs?! What is happening to me?! I'm melting...........

 I love my house.
I love the things I do each day.
I feel loved and admired by the people around me.

Certainly not by design, but suddenly it is easier and more interesting to stop moving. I am not between sojourns. I am where I am. And there are people here.... And I am learning.