17 May 2011

Blessed are the pure in heart

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." (Matthew 5:8)

Why are they blessed? What does it mean to be pure in heart?

My heart is not pure. At the heart of my spiritual belief and practice is a desire to become fully human, to "get it"...and move on. Move on to God. This is the intimate yearning within the intimate yearning.

"Create in me a clean heart, oh God; and renew a right spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10)

My heart is not filthy. This is the combined result of imperfect practice and endless gifts of divine grace from who-knows-where-or-how.

I've been known to describe my life as charmed. Even lucky. I rarely use either term without remembering that my father often described his life as jinxed (though he always laughed as he said it).

Those who know me say I always land on my feet. I suppose I can see why they say it but wouldn't that mean there are times when I'm tumbling through space? Falling, falling and it's uncertain whether I will land on my feet or on my head?

I hardly ever pray now but I prayed every day when I was 5. And my heart was pure. And I saw God. And Santa Claus.

My heart was clean. No stains of

doubt
regret
shame

I didn't know why I walked on two legs instead of flying but I believed without question that I could fly. I believed God and Santa and fairies and stars were powerful. I believed requests of any of them --
prayers, letters, magic words and wishes -- might yield the ability to fly.
I stood in the rain tonight and turned my face up. To be washed clean. The moon is full. I cannot see her but I know she hangs bright behind the dark clouds. I lifted my face to the rain, the dark clouds, the moon.

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