15 April 2013

Again: The Boston Marathon Tragedy

It's that place again. That place where my immediate environment is peaceful and clean and quiet

and something horrible has happened somewhere else. The radio tells me, my computer tells me. Something horrible has happened somewhere else.

There's nothing to cry about in the immediate environment but I am crying and trying not to cry. A child's voice in my head is wailing "I don't want to go!" Some part of me is hysterical -- No no no no no no no -- angry and grief-stricken.

Two crushing dimensions of this moment:  this is familiar. It kills my heart that this kind of horror is familiar to us now. I am listening to the radio, announcers reference 9/11, Oklahoma...  

And the senseless-ness. I crave some logic, some explanation. There is none. It hurts that there is no logical reason for this horror.  My mind reels, my heart hurts. Senseless, familiar horror.

And there's no escape from the pain. It's a crazy thought but I think I wish I didn't know. I wouldn't feel like this if I didn't know.