07 May 2008

Venga un Estornudo...

You know how you feel like sneezing...and then you don't? And sometimes the feeling lingers and you almost-sneeze a few times? Even before the sneeze, you know what's trying to approach. And there's no fear or resistance usually; in fact, you want it to come.

There's something I could call "the breath of Real" that's been playing with me for a few weeks. It moves sort of like a sneeze. In the same way that a deep inhalation can sometimes trigger the urge to sneeze, now and then, on the release of a slow, deep breath, a feeling or awareness or sense comes over me: no doubt about anything, no fear of anything, no worry about anything and clear sight. Like everything false or uncertain in me and the world drops away.

It's not huge or brilliant or fantastic like some of the insight or conversion experiences I've read about (and sometimes wished for). It's just a simple dropping away of all nonsense and distraction. An unequivocal appreciation of the "This" that feels as easy and graceful as opening my eyes.

The sensation is simultaneously imminent and realized.

And then it's gone.

Today begins another smoking cessation attempt (one has to keep trying...). Things always begin to get very "real" when I'm not smoking. I wish, I wish, I wish the Sneeze of Real to come...

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