23 February 2009

The Near Dear Dark

be happy be happy be happy be happy
It's Carnival Time in New Orleans

The dark mood embracing me tonight is seductive
familiar true comfortable
It took all day to make the king cake
But it's done: iced and sprinkled on the kitchen table, it
is beautiful delicious
It will serve 20-22. I don't know two people in New Orleans
who would share anything with me in this mood. Let alone 20 who would share
a whole wheat king cake.

It felt good last night
to get out of the car and walk back the way we came
cold night air, tears on my cheeks
horns honking and music coming from everywhere
and the streets full of cars and people
Free finally of the unnecessary argument in the car

To go home alone, to be alone again in that familiar true way

It doesn't matter any more to me
winning That argument
doesn't matter any more

You walk 50 miles with someone
Collecting wildflowers, always giving your friend the prettiest blooms
And once, you pluck a pretty flower just as a hawk flies overhead
and you pause
and watch him soar for a minute
it reminds you of something from the time before the long walk
it reminds you of something you've felt for a long time
You're not thinking about your friend or wildflowers. You're watching the hawk fly.
Your companion says "Hey! What's going on? I thought we were walking
I thought you were giving me flowers
Now you're gonna make me wait, like you think you have power over me."

I look at you, into your eyes
and I see how tightly you're gripping your idea
and I drop the bouquet
and walk away.
I don't care any more
I don't care that you can't understand
that you can't trust my intentions based on the last 50 miles
what you've seen of me so far
you can't get a grip on yourself, correct yourself
shut the fuck up

I'm too tired
I don't have any cigarettes
I've had This argument too many times already


  1. Thought of you yesterday ... hope you had a very fat Tuesday, argument or no.

  2. Alex, I have no idea how you stumbled on my blog last week and ended up posting a comment on an 18 month old post (perhaps you will tell me one day) but I'm glad you did because it led me back here, which was surely a good thing.

    Just thought I'd pop in and say hello - also to say, I would always stop picking flowers to watch a hawk x


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